My feet look akin to little bloated Polish sausages, my hair is missing a few key bobby pins, I'm wearing half my meal and my mascara has mysteriously travelled from my eyelashes to my cheeks, but the wedding is over, and it was beautiful.
Here is a note to all single women looking to survive a wedding of one of your best friends. I've here compiled a brief list of the essentials. Be sure to include as many as possible, if not all these items.
1) It's cliché and I apologize for it, but at least a few kleenex. I'm not a big crier, truly I'm not, but let me tell you -when you see your friend coming down that aisle on the arm of the man who used to drive you home from sleepovers cut short because you were homesick, it would take a cold, cold heart not to shed a few tears.
2) A practiced, I-could-kill-you-with-my-eyes stare for all of the well-meaning, slightly overweight, entirely over-permed women who will inquire with saccarine sweetness when you're getting married. Or even worse, if you have children yet.
3) Band-aids. Ladies, one of the only things that's going to make the night worthwhile for you is busting some serious moves on that dance floor and your feet will need some extra care after the inevitable in-between-courses rendition of Brown Eyed Girl.
4) Tylenol. You're going to drink. A lot. And after about 11 p.m. you're going to trade in that red wine glass for some serious hard alcohol. Your head with thank you for it.
5) Single guy friends who love to dance.
6) Single guy friends who hate to dance and will be willing to sit with you as you shovel yet another chocolate-covered strawberry down your throat, telling him in between bites all the fabulous plans you have for your life now that you don't have to share it with anyone. It also helps if said single guy friend will actually believe you, or fiend belief as you relay this information.
7) Lovely, fuzzy pyjamas to come home to. Maybe top off with a nightcap, to congratulate yourself on a job really, really well done.
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