I’m wondering, what the statutes and limitations are on being a decent human being. If I’m essentially a decent person, am I allowed one major, earth-shattering screw up? What about two? What if they’re related, does that count?
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if the details of my life that no one is privy to were suddenly and shockingly exposed. Details like my licking the peanut butter knife and melting honey and cornflakes in my microwave and calling it dinner. Details like telling a friend I didn’t feel like seeing that I had a meeting when really I spent the night soaking in my bathtub reading. Details like me just shutting off my phone sometimes when someone calls that I just don’t have the energy to talk to. Details like me calling back three hours later saying, ‘I’m so sooorry I missed your call, I was at the gym when you phoned.’ Details like me eliciting sympathy when I know I don’t deserve it, giving it when I don’t feel it.
So I guess it begs the question. Are those who look like fairly decent, honest and trustworthy people on the outside, simply better schooled at hiding their flaws? And do we really care to find out anyway? Sometimes I think I’d rather live in the dark when it comes to these types of things. And I sure as hell won’t be handing out flashlights to my inner life anytime soon.
6 comments:
I can't help but wonder if you telling me your phone was off was because you didn't have the energy to talk to me. By the way, I am totally ok with that because I do the same to people too. Sometimes I don't have the mental 'space' to fit anything else in and instead of answering and telling someone I am not capable of handling you right now, which may come off as rude, I simply let the machine get it.
You know, I find it freeing to let people in. Then there are no more secrets. Nothing dirty and ghastly that you have to spend energy to hide. My own little aha moment here - I suppose that's why I tell all... seems a bit of a mistake in one aspect and freeing in another. Problem is finding balance.
Thanks for your posts - they make me think.
Good point, there Hannah.
Don't feel bad about yourself H. Personally, I call that social skill. To actually be able to survive in this jungle and stay fairly away from daily harm, you have to know how to lie and hide yourself behind a mask sometimes. I consider myself an open book, and by spending time blogging I do more self revealing than a big chunk of the population but sometimes it’s just totally impossible or the consequences would be too important to actually go on with unveiling some secrets. Those details will only ever be available to those I trust and love.
This is all about being human after all. Recognizing our own flaws and weaknesses and more importantly, accepting and learning to live with them is in my opinion the only path to real wisdom.
we are all human. Lick away, kels
I embrace my flaws...and I don't care who knows my bitchy side! Although I try and sugar-coat "missing" (ahem) people's calls I don't think I lie TOO much on that front. But hey, we all have our private things. It's normal and wonderful :)
I not only lick the peanut butter knife clean, I shove it back in there numerous times and lick again. Sometimes I fill a spoon with peanut butter and dip it in a bag of chocolate chips and call it dessert.
Life would be completely boring without the opportunity to engage in regular, harmless "naughtiness;" shirking minor commitments or breaching societal norms in order to prove, at least to yourself, that you're an individual.
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