It's the intense, blinding hatred you feel for your telephone and the inability to see the madness behind such emotion for an inanimate object. It's the questions, the ambiguous answers and the questions that come from those answers. It's the roller coaster ride. It's the wondering how on earth you ever managed to sleep alone every night, and how you will again. It's sex that leaves you starved, it's intimacy that leaves you ravaged. It's you, betraying everything you thought you were, and loving, hating every minute of it. It's the clear sense that you, are slipping away from you, it's the fogginess, the blurred edges, the impossibility of interpretation. It's the shift, it's the change, it's a tiredness you can't quite name. It's knowing and it's ignorance.
It's sitting at your friend's kitchen table and watching as her husband cuts her a third piece of cheesecake and knowing you will never have that.
6 comments:
Wow, thanks for the post Doodish.
In my case, I can't believe how far from my 'line' I can stray. So far that I can't even see it anymore. I don't even think I know when I've passed it. It's the abandonment of me and the struggle to get back not quite knowing how to but believing it can happen.
It's the feeling of wanting to jump out of my skin and keep on running when it all seems too much, too soon and all of it never quite enough.
Montrealgurl - as for the line, I think I spray paint over my own, sister.
you need some Fiona apple and amy winehouse.
I think three pieces of cheesecake would make me throw up. All that other stuff sounded pretty stomach churning too...
I couldn't have written it better myself.
Hugs! I miss you so much!
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