Merry Christmas, Baby!

Missed that memo

And as you sit, drinking a cup of tea, laughing at taped episodes of Arrested Development, thinking to yourself, well, this is comfortable, it's comfortable at least, it changes.

He calls to you, through a door steamed shut, faint scents of cologne and shaving cream seeping from underneath it,

'Hey -babe, do we have plans on the 30th?'

And suddenly the Earl Gray in your mouth turns to cement and you think,

'Christ, when did this happen?

Liar Liar

The five of us are snuggled up on her couch, sharing a plate heavy with a sizeable chunk of homemade Black Forest cake, her Boston Terrier wedged comfortably between us. Wet, tossed tissues are strewn about the floor, a multi-colored afghan blanket covers our toes. Her husband opens the front door, home from his poker game, takes one look at our puffy red eyes and flannel pajamas and says, ‘can I get you girls a glass of wine?’

It’s ten o’clock on Friday night, and we’re watching our friend’s wedding video. I had forgotten, in all the chaos of that day, how beautiful she was. Really, how beautiful we all were. And so, as we laughed at ourselves dancing barefoot to Follow the Leader and cried at the ‘I dos,’ it dawned on me just how incredibly, and untouchably happy we all looked.

And just how much a girl can hide behind her smile.

She's come undone

I guess it’s a good sign that I didn’t drive home crying. That I didn’t come home to sink into a bath with a cup of tea only to emerge red-eyed and discouraged. I guess it’s a good thing that I walked away with a smile, and phoned a close friend to giggle like a 16-year old girl and say, ‘guess what?’ And to feel her smile back at you through the phone because she knows.

It’s the glimmer of something you can’t quite name in the eyes that meet yours across the table, the glimmer, as you talk of elementary school plays and family vacations that seems to say, ‘I understand, and it’s ok. I understand, and I like you anyway.’