Thursday, March 07, 2013

Oh, baby.

I`m pregnant and it`s been hard. I`ve spent the past 20 some-odd weeks freaking out about my weight gain (which hasn`t really been much, truth be told), my inability to run as much as I`d like to, the nosebleeds. And all of those worries came crashing to a halt on Tuesday when I was told my baby has enlarged cerebral ventricles and that he or she may not be compatible with life.

I`ve been wondering if and when my maternal instinct would kick in. I worried that I wouldn`t immediately bond with this child, that I might resent the stretch marks, the bad skin, the loss of a year at work. And yet, when a doctor sat in front of me and said I may want to consider `terminating my pregnancy` I wanted to lunge across the room and rip her throat out so that she could never utter those words again. `Incompatible with life`? This baby, this growing, kicking, turning creature inside me is life, it is what my life is for.

All of a sudden I`ve been thrust into a world of too-easy-to-get doctor`s appointments and meetings with genetics counselors who I know feel lucky not to be me. A world of statistics, of odds, of stories and sleepless nights. I used to wonder where parents of terribly ill children got their strength - now I know. There is no other choice when when it comes to a child you love with a ferocity you could never have imagined possible.

I am sick with worry that I will lose this baby before I have a chance to hold it. Because we don`t know whether we are having a boy or a girl, I have nicknamed my little one Thumper, because he or she is constantly thumping away in my belly. Though sleep is hard to come by, I have taken to cradling my growing belly and coaxing Thumper to sleep at night, or at least stillness. If I might not get the chance to ever comfort him or her outside of the womb, I hope to transmit some of my love and caring through skin.

I love you, baby. Now, and always.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

The one thing or basic thing that one requires to listen to internet radio is a broadband internet connection.

You might want to think about getting a different type and
model of mobile phone if you really need something that is faster and
more powerful. Did you know that you can access Christmas music from the Internet.


My website Delete

Anonymous said...

In most cases they are, but when it comes to updates, patches, etc to the mmorpgs.

Port forwarding lets you specify which ports the game needs to perform at it's best. We carry R4 SDHC, DSTT, R4i SDHC, Acekard 2i, EZFlash Vi, M3i Zero, and now the i - Edge.

Also visit my web page ... http://bbs.ysong.org/profile.php?id=86171

Anonymous said...

Meet Ira – Our Wi fi Internet radio adapter
that connects automatically to any wireless Internet network.

Pandora is free (ad-supported), but you can buy an
upgrade for no ads and other improvements. As a
gadget, it's out of this world; as a functional laptop, I'm
not so sure.

my web blog ... Kassie

Anonymous said...

Wow that was strange. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again.
Anyhow, just wanted to say excellent blog!

Feel free to visit my homepage - vigrx

Anonymous said...

Upon examining some etymological dictionaries, one can conclude that
games are a creative expression of the human spirit through the creation of an
activity that has an entertaining, instructive and competing element.
Don't leave the landscape designing and terrain optimization to the last moment. It can go as far as ruining their experience since it is the last interaction they have with a game.

My blog post - http://www.spielespielen24.de

Anonymous said...

She is likely a WARRIOR PERSONALITY I talk about in the KWML Mastery Course on women, dating, love, and friendship.
This way you are not disappointed when you get residence, and you won't have to make a excursion back to the shop. It's fast to build and play and
will challenge your memory.

My blog - mouse click the next article - www.pyconuk.net

Anonymous said...

Let's think of words that sound dirty but really aren't.
they simply need to learn that you will not be able to appease everyone of your player-base.
It fizzles as the lights go out, and she says it's been great talking to you.

my page ... ilrinc.com/forums/member..

Anonymous said...

Like any game, when we stay within the rules, we score, and when we play outside the
rules there of course is a penalty. However, every character in the game (even supporting players) should be presented in this same detail.
For the purposes of this game, a "set" is at least three cards of equal value such as three
Jacks or three fours and a "sequence" is made up
of at least four cards that are of the same suit and run sequentially such as three,
four, five, and six of spades.

Here is my web page www.puslsoccer.com

Anonymous said...

And indeed Robert has made the paramount sterling effort,
guided by his mentor, with beads of perspiration on his
brow, Robert has brought it in to the landing net.
Spinning - Trout are aggressive and definitely will strike and eat
smaller fish. One can find another 2 options as to
wholesale fishing rod, which might be hollow-tip rods and reels and spliced-tip rods.


Also visit my web page :: http://fishing.seweb.de

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you're a great author. I will be sure to bookmark your blog and may come back at some point. I want to encourage yourself to continue your great job, have a nice weekend!

my weblog: vigrx

Heather said...

I'll be sure to keep you in my thoughts, Heather. I have a quick question about your blog! My name is Heather and my email is Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com :-)

shaimaa sami said...

شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
شركة رش مبيدات بالدمام
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالدمام
شركة مكافحة الحمام بالدمام
شركة مكافحة الفئران بالدمام
شركة مكافحة بق الفراش بالدمام

_________________________

deraz said...

ابو الهول
توريد وتركيب عشب طبيعى الشارقة
تركيب عشب طبيعى الشارقة

menna said...

سما
شركة تنظيف خزانات فى دبى
شركات تنظيف الفلل فى دبى
شركات تنظيف المنازل فى دبى