'It's become so obvious, that you're so oblivious, to yourself.'
Wilco
And it’s funny how you cross over. How you swallow a bit harder and smile a bit brighter. How you pretend. How you laugh, how you say what you don’t mean and you say it again until you’ve convinced yourself. Or at least, him. And how you feel so betrayed that he buys all your crap. Because it isn’t great, it isn’t even good and the high ceilings and the bamboo floors and the sunken living room and the fireplace – those things are someone you don’t even know.
Someone you aren’t sure you want to know. And what you want to say, what you want to tell him is that you want poor heating and bad lighting and doors that don’t lock and windows you have to slam shut. That Porsches are dumb and Parisian balconies are for jumping off of. That you want scruffy hair and lopsided smiles and you just aren't sure anything else will do at all.
5 comments:
Awareness of those things leads to acceptance of where we are. Once honest acceptance has sunken in then we can move on to action. Action in the best interest of ourselves, our futures and our dreams.
No one said it would be easy but it is sooo worth it, even the most painful parts. That's coming from someone who's been there and is movin' on up!
Big hugs and loves.
People don't appreciate the little things in life and certainly don't appreciate them in a relationship. They dismiss the 'I love yous’', the gentle caresses, the innocent smiles, the shows of affection for no reason… all the little things that make a relationship worth living. Instead people are caught up in what others think; they’re self centered and always wanting more never being satisfied with what they have because they’re too busy trying to keep up with the Joneses.
I myself have fallen victim to those same things in the past but find that I no longer fit the mold, I can no longer pretend that what I have accumulated in this life so far is enough to compensate for what I have lost, of hiding behind a smile that hides the pain, laughing till I cry not because it was funny but because all I want is to simply cry and telling everyone life is great because of the high paying job, the house and the big screen TV…
I, just like you, would give it all up to be with that someone special, someone who sees past the ‘fluff’ of what life has become.
"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead"
- Bertrand Russell
Noah - beautifully put.
I sense a great deal of pain in your words Noah!
You seem to have a great head on your shoulders and some day that very special someone will see you for who you are and never want to let go!
In life, we need to suffer in order to appreciate the good that comes our way!
Your day will come! I know it!
Hang in there!
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